Faithful readers, friends and family:
A message from Paulo Coelho. “If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return.” I had this quote awhile ago and I’m not really sure which Coelho book it’s from. Nonetheless, it reappeared when I started to read Bird by Angela Johnson once more. And the quote goes so well with Roy who gave me the book. No matter what, I know Roy is always there; is always a great friend and would never betray me. Of course there’s the fam (Mom, Dad, Rab, Bear and Phillip), although Phillip has a much more coy way of showing that he is there for you, at least that is what I will tell myself. And there are a few other close friends who my love for, I hope, goes without saying. So you think of a bright star as something beautiful, really far away but always there. But really stars are constantly dying, constantly being replaced, kind of like certain people in our lives. Yet as the quote says, if you come back and its not there, then it was not pure matter. And that is totally okay. Because those stars did shine in our lives if only for a few seconds and their beauty led the way for more beautiful stars to shine.
Before, whenever I would look up at the stars I would think about nothing and everything. I would think that I was free when I’d look at them, that nothing else mattered, just the stars, the wind and me. Because for as long as I can remember, the cold air has always done something to me, made me feel invincible and invisible. I remember lying down in the backseat of the beige Taurus and looking out the half-rolled down window and starring at the stars, the trees and houses to try to figure out where exactly we were in Aurora. Since I hardly ever ride in a car anymore, I don’t try to find my way back home as much as I miss it. When I look up at the stars, I think about how far away I am from my family. I think about my brother and realize that he will soon be looking up at a different sky. And I hope that when he looks up at those stars that he will think of me and the rest of the family and how much we love him.